“How many descendants does a pirate usually have?” Bran said with shock. #BranHambric2

All I have to say in response is : LOLWUT.

Also,  there have been some epic rumors about what will happen in this book. Word around the fandom is: there will be pirates, zombie unicorns, and evil baby orphanages.

Here’s what we’ve heard so far: Rosie will be pregnant with Bartley Wilomas’ kid, but upon getting her evil baby ultrasound will find out that it is neither a boy or a girl; it is evil.  We will later be told that Astara is evil as well. Or at least that she escaped from the evil baby orphanage but doesn’t remember it. She will imprint on Rosie/Bartley’s kid, whom they decided to name Teeny Ephemeris. (Which, incidentally, is an anagram of Stephenie Meyer. Lack of originality much, KAN?)

In case you guys didn’t already know: The second book in the series is called Bran Hambric: TSK. No one knows what that means yet, and Kalip is trying to keep the enigma going. Lame.

What do YOU GUYS think TSK stands for? Eh? Eh? Let us know in the comments!

It’s a pseudo-inspiring little speech about how he went to his first book signing at that very same bookstore and now he’s there himself.

…then he goes on to tell the usual story about how he got the idea for BH.

This video comes from the Twilight collab channel IrrevocablyInLove5. It features BranFans/Twilighters Leah, Marisa, and Corn:

This clip was shot by BranFan Josie (MrsJasperHale08) :

This video was made by Sam (xtonks)! It features footage from a book signing in New York. (You can find more clips on her BlogTV):

This video was posted by HideTheMushrooms and features clips from Kaleb’s book signing in San Jose, CA:

Oh, and I guess this post just wouldn’t be complete without Kaleb‘s video. Heh:

If you would like me to share your videos, fan art, blogs, or anything Bran Hambric related on this website, feel free to send an e-mail or tweet!

Anyway… this kid named Balder and his sister Baldretta claim to hear a burglar at the door, and then their dad (named Sewey O_o) hears it too. What kind of burglar is stupid enough to break into a house when there are people in it? At any rate, Sewey Wilomas busts out with his revolver only to find a few scratches on the door. He decides that he and Bran must catch the burglar because he — Sewey — is a banker. Being a banker justifies everything. Srsly.

***

(^ I put asterisks there because I can’t imitate the fancy asterisk-looking characters that are actually in the book)

Now we’re introduced to the idea that Bran Hambric was the Accident (yes, the A was capitalized) that shouldn’t've happened. Heck, the Wilomases don’t consider him an official part of the family after eight years, thus excluding his name from the… well, the list of names that appears at the front of their house. Y’know, that list of names that everyone in America has in front of their house? Yeah, that one.

It is now Thursday night and Sewey and Bran are on a stakeout for the burglar. Bran would much rather be asleep, but Sewey is determined on catching this wretched burglar. Eventually, Sewey gets bored and, being the dedicated banker that he is, decides to go over some paperwork. While Bran helps him with all that crap, he thinks about how most things about him are pretty damn normal. He’s just Harry. Just Harry… except for how he ended up on Privet Drive. He’s just plain ole’ Bran, but the story of how he ended up on Bolton Road is kinda weird. Kaleb Nation decided to write a long paragraph in italics pretty much telling us nothing except that Bran was found in a bank vault as a six-year-old. There’s no explanation for this except the unspoken: Magic*. Somehow the author manages to make the transition from this to talking about how Rosie Tuttle** was delivered a dozen roses by a mysterious person whose name began with B.

The next three-ish pages are spent talking about Sewey’s paperwork. Boring. Let’s hope it’s irrelevant because I seriously don’t feel like writing about it.

Last paragraph: Bran hears a noise. There’s movement. Something fugly jumps onto the roof, where Bran and Sewey are.

*Have we learned nothing from Vernon Dursley? There’s no such thing as magic!

**Rosie is Mabel’s cousin, who lives with the Wilomases. Mabel is Sewey’s wife.

If you have a contest, video, or website you would like me to promote on here and it is related to Bran Hambric or Kaleb Nation, feel free to tweet me or send me an email (branblog@gmail.com).

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Sorry I haven’t gotten around to posting the Chapter 1 review. I’ll get to it soon!

The night was cold and dead, and so felt Clarence’s heart. The night was cold and dead, and so felt Clarence’s heart. The night was cold and dead, and so felt Clarence’s heart. The night was cold and dead, and so felt Clarence’s heart. The night was cold and dead, and so felt Clarence’s heart.

After countless times of having heard Kaleb read the first chapter of this book, the first line has sunk into my brain. I will forever remember that the night was cold and dead, and so felt Clarence’s heart. Anyway… From this line, it is easy to guess what is going on: DEMENTORS ARE CHASING AFTER CLARENCE. Oh, wait. I guess not. There are just men in black vans (probably filled with Asian immigrants) chasing after him. This guy Joris reaches him and scolds him for not sticking around to help clean up (you tell him, Joris!). Joris is obviously some sort of mother figure to Clarence. Maybe this scene is set in the far future where same-sex marriage and adoption is finally universally accepted. Then they start talking about this Baslyn person being dead, and this Emry chick hiding her son, when Clarence tells Joris that Farfield is over. Joris disagrees, though. He says that Farfield isn’t over yet and that they’re gonna find Bran Hambric and bring him back. I think this Bran guy ran away from Farfield. It sounds like a boring place with nothing but wheat fields. Might as well call it Bakersfield, California.

The scene changes and we’re introduced to Emry, wind blowing everywhere. I can already see it. Emry’s gonna be that sexy chick in the movie that they introduce with a fan blowing in front of her and all. I should also note that she’s holding her 6-year-old son in her arms. Needless to say, Emry is probably a MILF. She’s apologizing to her son for god-knows-what mistake she had made in the past and promises that she won’t let them get him (whoever they are). They find her, and she decides to put a note in the kid’s hand and POOF! makes him disappear, but somehow keeps going on about how he’s safe. (Yes, she says it in italics.)

The somehow the boy — His name’s Bran. Go figure. — wakes up on the doorstep of Number Four, Privet Drive. in the city of Dunce, which, incidentally means “stupid person.” Good job, Emry. You sent your son to the city of Stupid Person.

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All I’m wondering right now is: where the hell is the boy’s dad?

Now, on to the BranBlogger news: Currently, there are two youtubers giving away Bran Hambric stuff on their channels. NinjaFanpire is giving away bookmarks and posters, while MrsJasperHale08 is giving away a signed copy of Bran Hambric: The Farfield Curse. Go subscribe to them for a chance to win!

Update: Donnie is giving away Bran Hambric postcards and other stuff. Go subscribe to him!

Also, I know I haven’t even posted one review/summary yet. Expect the prologue to be up tonight or sometime tomorrow!