Eight years after the Prologue, on a Wednesday night, we are introduced to the very conservative city of Dunce. I’m not a gnome rights advocate or anything, but it’s pretty fucked up that they’re not allowed to set foot on Dunce. And god forbid any mages or etceteras are ever around. They’d probably get their asses decapitated (y’know… as opposed to their heads).
Anyway… this kid named Balder and his sister Baldretta claim to hear a burglar at the door, and then their dad (named Sewey O_o) hears it too. What kind of burglar is stupid enough to break into a house when there are people in it? At any rate, Sewey Wilomas busts out with his revolver only to find a few scratches on the door. He decides that he and Bran must catch the burglar because he — Sewey — is a banker. Being a banker justifies everything. Srsly.
***
(^ I put asterisks there because I can’t imitate the fancy asterisk-looking characters that are actually in the book)
Now we’re introduced to the idea that Bran Hambric was the Accident (yes, the A was capitalized) that shouldn’t've happened. Heck, the Wilomases don’t consider him an official part of the family after eight years, thus excluding his name from the… well, the list of names that appears at the front of their house. Y’know, that list of names that everyone in America has in front of their house? Yeah, that one.
It is now Thursday night and Sewey and Bran are on a stakeout for the burglar. Bran would much rather be asleep, but Sewey is determined on catching this wretched burglar. Eventually, Sewey gets bored and, being the dedicated banker that he is, decides to go over some paperwork. While Bran helps him with all that crap, he thinks about how most things about him are pretty damn normal. He’s just Harry. Just Harry… except for how he ended up on Privet Drive. He’s just plain ole’ Bran, but the story of how he ended up on Bolton Road is kinda weird. Kaleb Nation decided to write a long paragraph in italics pretty much telling us nothing except that Bran was found in a bank vault as a six-year-old. There’s no explanation for this except the unspoken: Magic*. Somehow the author manages to make the transition from this to talking about how Rosie Tuttle** was delivered a dozen roses by a mysterious person whose name began with B.
The next three-ish pages are spent talking about Sewey’s paperwork. Boring. Let’s hope it’s irrelevant because I seriously don’t feel like writing about it.
Last paragraph: Bran hears a noise. There’s movement. Something fugly jumps onto the roof, where Bran and Sewey are.
*Have we learned nothing from Vernon Dursley? There’s no such thing as magic!
**Rosie is Mabel’s cousin, who lives with the Wilomases. Mabel is Sewey’s wife.
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